I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
