Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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