His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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