I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
