Dual....:-)
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
