Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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