There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
