I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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