I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
