Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
