I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
