This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I will pee on everything he values.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
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How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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