I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
