ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
