I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
