im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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