Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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