Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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