Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
