I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Randomize
