I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
