The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
