I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
