A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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