At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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