She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
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