i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
