Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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