Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
