White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's Friday. Sex?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
