I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
