i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My cat gives me a boner
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
