either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
