I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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