This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
