dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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