I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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