It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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