Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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