I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
