i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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