Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
