I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dicks are not precious.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
