So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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