I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
