dude i'm inner monologue high
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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