My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
where are my eyebrows?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
