Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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