I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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