isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
