Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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