cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
