i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
