1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
