i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
