I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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