Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
