just tell him i said nine months
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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