Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
