Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
