best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize